I think I said what I had to say....I feel good about it, and see it as the last attempt to do good. WIth this I am truly leaving this blog if not forever but for a good long time.
I have other things in my real life to tend to. Hopefully someday I can get to where I want and hopefully God will show me my path and takes my hand to walk those hard roads and climb those steep mountains......:)
Amen...............
Ok my dear lurkers, I am sure you enjoyed this blog and I am happy, you may think so many thoughts, you may even judge me and say things and even think that I am pathetic, but one thing you dont know about me and you will never understand it is the consistency in me and respecting my words and promises............yes that is how I am and I am very proud of it...
I keep saying I won't write here but how could I? every day something unexpected happens and having promised to someone at some point in time to remain a good friend (I guess at any rate) I felt this urge to write in here.
I decided to edit what I had written here without adding a post. It is the same thing but with a change in tune. I guess all I wanted to say was "It's not bad to care what people think of us or how they see us, especially when everything is negative."
I guess I want to say I don't hate you, I never did and I never will. I wished and hoped that someday for your own good you change and open your heart and your eyes and start caring. Yes care for tears, for art, for happiness, for sadness, for nature and mostly for people whom you touch. We may die and there might not be a life after, but we can become imortal in the mind and the heart of those people whom we connected at some point. Not believing in anything will turn our life into a living hell.Believing that we did good by seeing the perpetual happiness in other's eyes instead of pain and hatred.
I wished I could do more, but I can't. I can only hope for the best and to see a day that you have changed your old ways and you see how fruitless you've lived your life for whatever length of time. I hope to see a day that you realize that you hurt yourself more than anyone else. Open your eyes see yourself, hate yourself and then change what you hate in you to be able to embrace yourself and love your self and most of all believe in yourself....:)
Remember you can never love anyone unless you love yourself first, and I know............You don't, otherwise you would be able to love others, not only for a passing moment but forever.......
I changed my mind about the conclusion I've reached.
I know for fact that except for a very few people who visit this blog (which is not more than barely a handful) there are specific people who come here by hiding their identities. The reason for that is they all unanimously want me to believe that they neither care for me nor want to read my posts. The fact is they all like my writing and they all want to know what I write and what I think. Am I full of myself? No I am not, believe me I am not. On the contrary I am a very humble person.
Maybe I should present myself to all of you once for all.
Onsunday is both innocent and complicated, naïve and knowledgeable, sharp-tongued but without an ounce of malice, (something that couldn’t be said about many people). Onsunday not only can’t play games but also doesn’t know what the games are. And least not last people know where they stand with her (in real life). And yes she is very pleasant with a lot of sense of humor.
With that in mind Onsunday says what she thinks and stands for what she believes, and now she thinks that it is so very slander and malign of all these people who come here hiding their identity and not only that, but to make or had made vicious comments such as “you must have a pathetic life” or similar comments to the posts that had no relevance to their comments and was so uncalled for.
Who are these people? You may ask… well I have drawn a conclusion to what I had perceived of all these people who come here every day with “Unavailable” identity and please I might be naïve but I am not stupid.
One is the most self-righteous human being you have ever come to know. This person neither respects nor has any regards for anyone’s feelings, and would hurt everyone who crosses the pass. This person can hurt you with no remorse, lie to you and worst of all has the talent (an extra ordinary talent or charm) to make you open up your heart and your life to later reveal them to a new comer to prove one’s gallantry and valor and love. In the midst of all that you would end up being presented as a pitiful and lost person who had been unappreciative, a stalker and a suicidal crazy one who would not stop at anything Still with all that this person thinks “One” has always been a savior and a friend, a lover and a perfect person.
The second one at first appears to be very talented, knowledgeable and caring. Well may be this person is all that, except as rancorous and unforgiving and revengeful as this person is, it is almost impossible to feel the good intention that are presented by X (I am going to call this person X). X only has one intention in life and that is to revenge at any cost. X is hurt and although life has been good and fruitful but this person is still lost and to the best of my knowledge is still looking for something that is not out there. X is a great game player, has everything that a decent person wants in life (according to X) yet hovering over blogs and sites to get answers, information, which is not worth looking or pondering about. X is also somehow self righteous like the first one, thinking that people are copycats. X is not worth my time, and although in X’s eyes I am not worthy but still hovering over me like a hawk.
The last one who I will be calling “Z” is a nice person who had been betrayed and lied to, I feel for “Z” I tried to be a friend for “Z” but I think “Z” doesn’t understand that sometimes people have to clear and solve the unsolved matters before they can go on living. Please look beyond that world of yours and see through someone’s eyes to feel them and understand them and their reasons
With all this analysis (which is my perception) like I said I hate being watched. I Hate the little night crawlers who step into my boundary and see me….I feel I am naked and I hate this feeling. I know this a public blog and I didn’t mind writing in it actually I loved it, but………………… …….. Something is not right…. I hate to stop writing, I love this name and I love this blg, but I have no other choice. I wished I could write my poems, my thoughts and my days, but I can’t. And...I don't hate any of you...I really don't. I wished things were different, but they are not.
So goodnight and good luck……………..
Sundays are always mellow, the end of the week. I used to hate Sunday afternoons, thinking it is the end of freedom, that I have to work on Monday. But nowaday I see sundays like any other day, after all it is a day in my life, and wanting it to finish is like waiting for my life to end.
It was amazing that sun still shines and I totally forgot the rain. My life may change soon and another phase might follow soon, who knows.....I am only hoping if it wants to change, it would change for better, not worse....
I went to a friend house today and saw her little dog and thought of getting one for myself...a cute white toy poodle, :) I am sure I can give that poppy a lot of love, let him sit on my chest while I watch TV...play with his ears and caress his tiny body and let him lick my chin..:) yes I think I am going to buy me a present for my birthday...a poppy..we'll see..:)
I saw this movie and I recommend it, a great movie ..a true story of misery, hopelessness, war, despair, and Sadness...:(
A must see to feel how sad is sad............
It's been a while since I had written in this blog..It is so funny to see how I boasted about the sun..sun???? what is it? is it edible? I haven't seen the sun in days, months...all I saw was rain and rain and more rain..
I walked outside and I saw the half moon..looking at it I remembered sun ...yes sun was also shining in the sky once till the clouds covered it with anger and had been doing so till now....
Well Seattle Seahawks lost..although I never liked Steelers, but I should admit that they are a better team, although my heart goes for seahawks, I wished they had won. It is always a pleasure to taste victory. They were never a good team, at least as long as I remember, but this once..so sad..
There is always a next time, although it is not and will not be easy to get there....
It's always good to win a moment, a day, a life.....
On Sunday, Just rest
