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A Loss
04.24.08 (4:43 pm)   [edit]

Few days ago I received a phone call :................(

I was told that I had lost my best friend, a friend that I had known since I was only 3 years old.  A friend that would have stayed with you through rain or shine.  A friend that would give you everything even if she didn't have them herself.  A great friend whom I've cherished and loved throughout my life, a friend that saw my tears and my smiles more than anyone in this world.........she was my pandora box.........she was a part of my existence......she was there for me....and now she isn't.............Life is so unkind.  And I lost one more loved one :.........(

 
My God..........silly...silly....silly
04.10.08 (11:34 pm)   [edit]

I read some of my old writings...My God..How inane and unsubstantiated they were.  I feel so bad and silly..lol and what was funnier were the comments that were written in response to those childish words..................I remember how I valued those comments..looooooool

Thank God that we get older and wiser...or else ..........

 
Yesterday....all my troubles seem so far away.....
04.09.08 (9:27 am)   [edit]

I felt like writing today about yesterday.  For some odd reasons I travelled to the corners and streets of the past, sat in a coffee shop and drank, I read the yasterday's newspaper and read the editorial.  Yes I went to yesterday and reviewed the past.  Remembered the ghosts of the past who found a way to enter my world and each left a mark.  I remembered the fights, the discussions, the dissapointments, the resentments.............All for nothing.....All for a ghost that no one knew well.......remembered the accusations and claims that spiced the food even more. 

Yes I remembered one particular ghost who always talked about the love that was felt deep inside one's soul, a kind of a love that no one could ever feel, a kind of a love that was so strong that led to the suppression of the innocent lives.  A kind of a love that devastated and decayed someone else's meager reputation.......a rage and anger led to the most heinous and shocking description of one's appearnce and way of life.....a dirty life that is not worth living.....This one soul loved to own this trash, no matter how tedious the smell was....and yes...proud of being the trash's only love....

And then I remembered another ghost who also claimed the same love, except this ghost was lost, a kind of a ghost that would nourish the soul by other's leftover. This one had no persona to find an untouched food.  Nevertheless this ghost also wrecked and ramshackled the reputations of one soul, whatever was left of it............was it the same anger? but this one left for good, and never but once talked about this dirty soul.......I have that much respect for this one......

Of all the ghosts that came to my life and left, there was only one whom I still remember with fondness, a sort of an innocent soul, who was played with in many forms, by the hands of couple of other souls whom their never ending games unnerved and ravished the existence of this ghost, at least for a short while..........I always like this one, although I know the mis-understandings i mpaired my relatioship with this one.....Alas ....that's life...... 

The last is the soul that I like to call "The Cause".  An unnecessary cause that by lies and deceits played with many lives, brought about boxes of gifts that were wrapped in a most beautiful papers and ribbons................Unwrapping the layers of all those beautiful and colorful papers would have only brought the person closer to the contents inside, which happened to be nothing more than an empty box.  The Cause always claimed that other souls would want to see the colorful and bright wrapping papers, and so The Cause gives them what they wanted to see........to see how silly and naive they indeed are, how desperate they are to unwrap layers after layers of colorful papers of hopes... to see an empty box, or rather their own empty, dying souls..........an empty soul that would be dug deeper into the mud.  Yes "The Cause" left scars in the existence of many souls and hid in the corners to only come back in many forms, believing the "Come Backs" would ease the pain......I always wondered about this ghost's intentions.....I always wondered why this one ghost shied me? why never had the nerve to face me? was it the fear of loss? was it the extend of the lies? or it was simply to keep me around? what was it?

Well like I said in my earlier post, I don't have time to think about the past, and I am happy that I truly left the past.  At one point in time I was dying to get to where I am now and I always thought I can never get here......but I have reached the destination. 

Thank to my Creator for giving me a gift, a gift that made me who I am today, a gift that enables me to let go of my anger and replace it with kindness, and remembering only good things in people no matter how hurt I felt. I only hope that God forgives them.............

I like all these ghosts, they filled my times, each taught me something...I learned a lot of lessons, yes some not very bright and light.....but isn't it true that in order to appreciate light, you must see the darkness????????????

 

That yesterday is gone and belong to the past, yes they do belong to the past......but once in a while a flicker of a shiny dust would bring back the memories of the past.......

 
La vie en Rose
04.07.08 (10:37 am)   [edit]

Few nights ago I rented two movies to watch, one was the "attonment" a story of jealousy which ended in the death of both lovers, except the writer changed its ending to ease her conscience, and the second one was my favorite which I had seen it in the theatre before "La vie en rose" story of Edith Piaf's life which gained the actress an Oscar.  A great movie, sepcially the songs are absolutely breath taking.  I highly recommend it.

Oh yes the third movie that I watched but I believe did not serve the book was "The Kite runner", a great book about the reign of Taliban and their atrocities.  A book that when you read it you cry, you feel sad and overwhelemed, and you curse Talibans and the super powers.  The movie is good but like I said didn't serve the book fully but still worthy to watch. 

I guess I have nothing else to say,  my daily life has taken control over my minds so much so that I have no time to daydream, to feel utterly sad or happy to write.  It is fine, I really don't want to have those days back in my life.  Today is Monday and I have taken a day off from work, my doggy is sitting on my lap and taking a nap, may be it is him and his love for me that so much occupied my mind, may be it is my wonderful son whom I am very proud of, may be its his presence in my life that reminds me what I have accomplished, may be it is my niece who needs my help to get her through her worst time, who knows, but all I know is things are alright, life goes on, and the expectation of finding happiness in all the wrong places has ended.  I don't know the answers, but who does?

What else can I say on this Monday? oh yes few days or I should say many days ago I went to one of the chatrooms I used to go and spend my precious times, and I chatted with a girl that I had not chatted with in many moons, she was so adament in seeing me and I was ok with it till I said good bye and pondered.............do I want to get involved in that life again? do I want to hear things that would only hurt me? do I want to get involved again? do I????? NOOOOOO

I better take my dog for a walk in the park and the beuatiful lake, and go to the gym...it is my day off and I don't want to spend it on-line.....

Bye for now