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Courtroom Coversation
08.31.09 (9:22 am)   [edit]
Courtroom Conversations



 
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
 
  _____________ _________________________ ______

  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    W ITNESS: Yes.
    A TTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    W ITNESS: I forget.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    _ _________________________ _________________

  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    & nbsp;WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
   _______ __________________ ___________

  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    W ITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    _ _________________________ _________________

  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    W ITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _ _________________________ _______________

  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    & nbsp;WITNESS: Yes.
    A TTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    W ITNESS: Getting laid
   _______ _________________________ ____________

  ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    W ITNESS: Yes.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    W ITNESS: None.
    A TTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
   _______ _________________________ ____________
 
  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    W ITNESS: By death.
    A TTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    W ITNESS: Take a guess.
   _______ _________________________ ____________
 
  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    W ITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    A TTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    W ITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _ _________________________ ___________

  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    W ITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    _ _________________________ ____________

  ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    W ITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
   _______ _________________________ _________
 
  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    W ITNESS: Oral.
    _ _________________________ _______________
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    & nbsp;  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    & nbsp; WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    & nbsp;____________________ ________________________
 
    A TTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    & nbsp; WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    & nbsp; ______________ ________________________

    A nd the best for last:

    A TTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    & nbsp;  WITNESS: No.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    & nbsp; WITNESS: No..
    & nbsp; ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    & nbsp; WITNESS: No.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    & nbsp;  WITNESS: No.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    & nbsp; WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    & nbsp;ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    & nbsp;  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


 

THINK ABOUT IT!  MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE LAWYERS. OH GOD, PLEASE HELP US ALL !
 
And ..they lived happily ever after...
08.24.09 (1:07 pm)   [edit]

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know.... they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long; I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened

the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know.... there’s swearing, dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't fucking going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?'

..........And, they lived happily ever after.

Now, isn't that a sweet story? LOL

 
......
08.14.09 (8:42 am)   [edit]

No comments......Just never talk about your work..

 

 

 
Nothing Important
08.05.09 (1:47 pm)   [edit]

I just loved my little niece.  She is so cute and adorable and yes edible.  I sometimes had this urge to bite her chicks.  I had a wonderful time and more so I never knew Virginia is so beautiful.  I always travelled to Maryland and stayed there and visited DC on occasions but this I did stayed in Virginia.

Yes good time fly and before I knew it was time for me to return. 

One of my best qualities is I only go shopping when I know exactly what I want.  With that in mind we went shopping last night and I bought few pieces of furniture, but was disappointed when I was told they won’t be delivered until October.  Oh well, as long as I can have them for Thanksgiving.  Oh my I can’t believe it, days go so fast.  It’s already August and before you know it will be Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I don’t want to grow old so fast but there is nothing I can do to stop time.  I might as well enjoy every second now.  I wished my beloved sister would do the same instead of living in the past so much. I am blabbering again and let my thoughts run along my fingers. 

I better stop.